Wed 25 Apr 2007
Department of Labor Study Tracks Body Piercings and Unemployment Rate
Posted by Clia Toris under News SuppositoryWashington D.C. (AP) This morning the U.S. Department of Labor released the results of a fifteen year study on the relationship between body piercings and the unemployment rate. The study revealed something that had long been suspected but until now unproven. Namely that piercing trends and U.S. unemployment levels closely parallel each other.
Tracking both piercings and unemployment since 1992, the Department of Labor study strongly suggests that the unemployment rate fluctuates with the number of Americans who have recently had their bodies pierced. The study, which excluded ear piercings, tracked both levels on a monthly basis. 
For instance in May of 2002, 136,000 Americans decided to go ahead and get pierced. Of these individuals, almost 132,000 were found to be unemployed the following month.
August of 2003 offered even more conclusive proof of the correlation. August 2003 was a strong month for radical body modifications including lip, eyebrow and nose piercings. That month 180,000 Americans mutilated their bodies in one way or another. According to U.S. Government statistics, most of these individuals were collecting their first month’s unemployment check by October of 2003.
U.S. Labor Secretary Elaine Chao has said that her department may use the study to change the way the unemployment rate is tracked in the future. In the meantime, the Department of Labor is eight years into a fifteen year study of the link between neck tattoos and unemployment checks. 
April 25th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
I was never a president, but I hope I set a precedent or two. Holey, holey, holey.
Millard’s buddy
April 25th, 2007 at 11:45 pm
I conducted my own study years back and found that 100% of those I pierced did not return to work.
April 26th, 2007 at 1:42 am
is eight years into a fifteen year study of the link between neck tattoos and unemployment checks. Figures
Namely that piercing trends and U.S. unemployment levels closely parallel each other. No kidding?
April 26th, 2007 at 12:58 pm
I’d hire that guy.
April 26th, 2007 at 6:40 pm
My band can’t even get a gig anymore because of our name.
April 26th, 2007 at 11:55 pm
My girlfriend recently got her nipples torn off in an MRI.
April 27th, 2007 at 8:00 am
MRI= My Rotten Incisors
April 27th, 2007 at 11:06 am
MRI = My really? Incredible.
April 28th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Onward for God and infirmity.